From Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Principle 3: Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want.
“Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.” (p. 55)
“Andrew Carnegie learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. He attended school only four years; yet he learned how to handle people.” (p. 57)
“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” (p. 60)
“If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.” (p. 56)
“If out of reading this book you get just one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle—if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.” (p. 69)
“Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” (p. 58)
“[You desire! You desire. You unmitigated ass. I’m not interested in what you desire or what the President of the United States desires. Let me tell you once and for all that I am interested in what I desire—and you haven’t said a word about that yet in this absurd letter of yours.]” (p. 62)
“Eleven of the twelve banks invited her to be interviewed, and she had a choice of which bank’s offer to accept. Why? Mrs. Anderson did not state what she wanted, but wrote in the letter how she could help them, and focused on their wants, not her own.” (p. 66)
“The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition. Owen D. Young, a noted lawyer and one of America’s great business leaders, once said: “People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.” (p. 68)
“William Winter once remarked that “self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.” Why can’t we adapt this same psychology to business dealings? When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves. They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.” (p. 73)
Example:
A customer wanted to rent a ballroom. The landlord of the hotel wanted to raise the rent 300%. The customer naturally wanted to complain about the drastic raise in rent. There will probably be a heated argument with bad results.
Instead of complaining, the customer wrote a letter to the landlord of the advantages AND disadvantages of not renting to him. If the landlord did not rent to him, he would miss out on the free advertising which the customer would give to his hotel. The customer tried to appeal to the landlords desires. The landlord decided to only raise the rent 50%.