From Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Get the Other Person Saying Yes, Yes Immediately.
“In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.” (p. 183)
“It took me years and cost me countless thousands of dollars in lost business before I finally learned that it doesn’t pay to argue, that it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other person’s viewpoint and try to get that person saying ‘yes, yes.’” (p. 187)
“His method? Did he tell people they were wrong? Oh, no, not Socrates. He was far too adroit for that. His whole technique, now called the “Socratic method,” was based upon getting a “yes, yes” response. He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.” (p. 188)
Example:
A customer goes to a Bank and the Bank has a questionnaire that needs to be filled out. The customer refused to answer some of the questions. Usually the banker would tell the customer if he doesn’t answer the questions, he can’t bank with us.
This time the Banker tried the “Yes, Yes” technique.
“‘However,’ I said, ‘suppose you have money in this bank at your death. Wouldn’t you like to have the bank transfer it to your next of kin, who is entitled to it according to law?’ “‘Yes, of course,’ he replied. “‘Don’t you think,’ I continued, ‘that it would be a good idea to give us the name of your next of kin so that, in the event of your death, we could carry out your wishes without error or delay?’ “Again he said, ‘Yes.’ “The young man’s attitude softened and changed when he realized that we weren’t asking for this information for our sake but for his sake.” (p. 185)
A man wanted to stop buying motors for his company because they were too hot.
“‘Well, now look, Mr. Smith,’ I said. ‘I agree with you a hundred percent; if those motors are running too hot, you ought not to buy any more of them. You must have motors that won’t run any hotter than standards set by the National Electrical Manufacturers Association. Isn’t that so?’ “He agreed it was. I had gotten my first ‘yes.’
“‘The Electrical Manufacturers Association regulations say that a properly designed motor may have a temperature of 72 degrees Fahrenheit above room temperature. Is that correct?’ “‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘That’s quite correct. But your motors are much hotter.’
“I didn’t argue with him. I merely asked: ‘How hot is the mill room?’ “‘Oh,’ he said, ‘about 75 degrees Fahrenheit.’ “‘Well,’ I replied, ‘if the mill room is 75 degrees and you add 72 to that, that makes a total of 147 degrees Fahrenheit. Wouldn’t you scald your hand if you held it under a spigot of hot water at a temperature of 147 degrees Fahrenheit?’ “Again he had to say ‘yes.’ “‘Well,’ I suggested, ‘wouldn’t it be a good idea to keep your hands off those motors?’ “‘Well, I guess you’re right,’ he admitted.” (p. 186)