From Sonja Lubomirsky’s book “Myths of Happiness”
I’ll Be Happy When I Find the Right Job. Is This a Myth?
“at the root of this happiness myth is the misconception that, although we’re not happy now, we’ll surely be happy when we make partner at our firm, when we’re managing our own projects, when we land our first gallery exhibition, when we sell our screenplay, when we’re running our own store, or when we win the Nobel Prize.” (p. 142)
Why Does Getting Your Dream Job Not Make you Happy?
Hedonic Adaptation. Once you get your dream job, you will adapt to it and not appreciate it anymore.
- “I have colleagues who change jobs often, moving their families from coast to coast every two to three years. They seem sincerely thrilled with every fresh opportunity and throw themselves anew into redesigning their work commitments and lifestyles. Then, inevitably, after a year or so, like second-year college students experiencing a “sophomore slump,” they begin to feel a bit bored or antsy or develop justifiable complaints about their new supervisor, colleagues, obligations, or daily commute. Little by little, they begin to fantasize about something out there that’s even better—a job with a more reasonable boss, perhaps, or a lighter commute, more helpful colleagues, and less burdensome obligations.” (p. 116)
- “A seminal study on this topic followed high-level managers for five years to track their job satisfaction before and after a voluntary job change, such as a promotion or a relocation within the same company to a more attractive city. The managers were mostly male, mostly white, and averaged forty-five years of age and a $135,000 annual salary. They were doing well. What the researchers found, however, was that these managers experienced a burst of satisfaction—a honeymoon period, in essence—immediately after the job change, but their satisfaction plummeted within a year, returning to their original pre-move level.” (p. 117)
- “The excitement, happiness, and pride we used to feel happens less and less, as we focus less and less on the novelty of the job and turn our minds toward the countless daily hassles, uplifts, and distractions of life. After a while in the office or at the job site, we don’t even notice the things that used to make us smile.” (p. 119)
How Do You Prevent Hedonic Adaptation?
“One of the most effective—and the most difficult—strategies is to ratchet down our desires and curb the inflation of our expectations. I don’t mean that we should expect less from our jobs. We should simply not allow our desires to continue escalating to the point where we end up feeling entitled and convinced that we would only be happy if we got more and more of this or that.” (p. 121)
- “Remind yourself on a regular basis and in a tangible way what your former (less satisfying) work life was like. If you were paid less, set certain time periods (say, one week per month) to limit your spending to match your earlier consumption habits. If you used to have unfriendly colleagues, have lunch by yourself once in a while. If you regularly worked nights, periodically force yourself to stay late again. Such reexperiencing will encourage you to appreciate your current job and to obtain more pleasure from it by simply remembering or mentally transporting yourself to (less fortunate) times past.” (p. 121)
- “My recommendation was that they should make an effort to observe other workplaces—maybe even their own former offices, if they could. Make occasional visits to your friends’, acquaintances’, or former colleagues’ places of business and unobtrusively compare them to yours. Such observations will leave a more lasting impression on you and help you feel a sense of privilege in your own work life.” (p. 122)
- “Keep a gratitude journal—a list in your head, on paper, or in your smartphone—that regularly helps you contemplate the positive aspects of your job. Nothing undermines gratitude like too-high expectations, and the higher your expectations, the less gratitude you will feel.” (p. 122)
- “SHIFT YOUR REFERENCE POINT When you think about your dream job, what is your reference point? For many of us, it’s a higher-paying, less stressful, more engaging, more cushy, and more fulfilling one. Perhaps it’s the job that our high school friend now has or the job featured in the article we read or in the movie we saw. More likely, our reference point is a fantasy job that may not really exist.” (p. 123)
- “Their instructions are not to pretend that they have a terminal disease but rather to imagine as fully and faithfully as possible that they are about to move a very long way from their jobs, schools, friends, and families for an indefinite period of time.” (p. 124)
- “as appreciation may be one of the most effective ways to rein in expectations. An authentic sense of gratitude for our career is simply incompatible with an addiction to ever-increasing levels of satisfaction.” (p 124)
Other Good Quotes About Changing Jobs.
“First, do we have a history of flitting from job to job (or relationship to relationship and home to home)? If our position is truly unsatisfying or stagnant, then it’s worth our efforts to aim in a different direction or to aim higher. But if, by most people’s standards, we have a perfectly good job, then our expectations are overbalancing our reality and robbing us of all but the most fleeting pleasures.” (p. 125)
“when I advise ratcheting down our aspirations about our jobs, I am referring to aspirations regarding our career, position, and work life in general (“Is this job good enough for me or do I deserve something better”), not to our specific work performance (“Am I confident about my PowerPoint presentation tomorrow?”). When it comes to our performance and specific accomplishments at work, we should always aim high.” (p. 125)