Give the Other Person a Fine Reputation to Live Up to.
“if you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.” (p. 268)
“Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.” (p. 268)
Examples:
A mechanic used to be a good worker, but recently was not doing a good job. If the manager threatened him the mechanic would have resentment. The manager instead said,
“Bill,” he said, “you are a fine mechanic. You have been in this line of work for a good number of years. You have repaired many vehicles to the customers’ satisfaction. In fact, we’ve had a number of compliments about the good work you have done. Yet, of late, the time you take to complete each job has been increasing and your work has not been up to your own old standards. Because you have been such an outstanding mechanic in the past, I felt sure you would want to know that I am not happy with this situation, and perhaps jointly we could find some way to correct the problem.” (p. 267)
Bill Parker was excited to sell a line of products to a store, but was rejected. He went back to the store and said,
“Jack,” he said, “since I left this morning I realized I hadn’t given you the entire picture of our new line, and I would appreciate some of your time to tell you about the points I omitted. I have respected the fact that you are always willing to listen and are big enough to change your mind when the facts warrant a change.” (p. 269)
A patient noticed the dentists metal cup holder was not clean. The dentist wrote a note to the cleaner.
“My dear Bridgit, I see you so seldom, I thought I’d take the time to thank you for the fine job of cleaning you’ve been doing. By the way, I thought I’d mention that since two hours, twice a week, is a very limited amount of time, please feel free to work an extra half hour from time to time if you feel you need to do those “once-in-a-while” things like polishing the cup holders and the like. I, of course, will pay you for the extra time.” (p. 270).
At school, Tommy was a trouble maker, picking fights and teasing girls. He had one good point. He was a fast learner.
“Mrs. Hopkins decided to face the “Tommy problem” immediately. When she greeted her new students, she made little comments to each of them: “Rose, that’s a pretty dress you are wearing,” “Alicia, I hear you draw beautifully.” When she came to Tommy, she looked him straight in the eyes and said, “Tommy, I understand you are a natural leader. I’m going to depend on you to help me make this class the best class in the fourth grade this year.” She reinforced this over the first few days by complimenting Tommy on everything he did and commenting on how this showed what a good student he was. With that reputation to live up to, even a nine-year-old couldn’t let her down—and he didn’t. (p. 271)