From Tal Ben Shahar’s “Happier”
Which Goals and Jobs Should I pick to be the Happiest?
You Should Pick Goals That are Intrinsic.
- “I believe that goals are indispensable to a happy life—to be happy, we need to identify and pursue goals that are both pleasurable and meaningful.” (p. 65)
- “To experience a sense of purpose, the goals we set for ourselves need to be intrinsically meaningful. We could set ourselves the goal of scoring top grades in college or owning a large house, yet still feel empty. To live a meaningful life, we must have a self-generated purpose that possesses personal significance rather than one that is dictated by society’s standards and expectations. When we do experience this sense of purpose, we often feel as though we have found our calling. As George Bernard Shaw said, “This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.” (p. 38)
- “People seeking greater well-being would be well advised to focus on the pursuit of (a) goals involving growth, connection, and contribution rather than goals involving money, beauty, and popularity and (b) goals that are interesting and personally important to them rather than goals they feel forced or pressured to pursue.” (p. 71)
- “Generally, for goals to be self-concordant, the person has to feel that she chose them rather than that they were imposed on her, that they stem from a desire to express part of herself rather than from the need to impress others. We pursue these goals not because others think we should or because we feel obligated to, but because we really want to—because we find them significant and enjoyable.”
Striving For Goals is More Important Than Reaching Your Goals.
- “Contemporary researchers emphasize that it is the process of striving after goals—rather than goal attainment per se—that is crucial for happiness and positive affectivity.” The primary purpose of having a goal—a future purpose—is to enhance enjoyment of the present.” (p, 70)
- “People seeking greater well-being would be well advised to focus on the pursuit of (a) goals involving growth, connection, and contribution rather than goals involving money, beauty, and popularity and (b) goals that are interesting and personally important to them rather than goals they feel forced or pressured to pursue.” (p. 71)
Is Your Work a Job, Career, or Calling?
“people experience their work in one of three ways: as a job, as a career, or as a calling.” (p. 101)
“the most beautiful fate, the most wonderful good fortune that can happen to any human being, is to be paid for doing that which he passionately loves to do.” (p. 101)
- “A job is mostly perceived as a chore, with the focus being financial rewards rather than personal fulfillment. The person goes to work in the morning primarily because he feels that he has to rather than wants to. He has no real expectations from the job beyond the paycheck at the end of the week or month, and he mostly looks forward to Friday or to taking a vacation.” (p. 101)
- “The person on a career path is primarily motivated by extrinsic factors, such as money and advancement—by power and prestige. She looks forward to the next promotion, to the next advancement up the hierarchy—from associate to tenured professor, from teacher to headmistress, from vice president to president, from assistant editor to editor in chief.” (p. 101)
- “For a person experiencing his work as a calling, work is an end in itself. While the paycheck is certainly important and advancement is, too, he primarily works because he wants to. He is motivated by intrinsic reasons and experiences a sense of personal fulfillment; his goals are self-concordant. He is passionate about what he does and derives personal fulfillment from his work; he perceives it as a privilege rather than a chore.” (p. 101)
- “satisfaction with life and with work may be more dependent on how an employee sees his or her work than on income or occupational prestige.” (p. 102)
How do You Find Your Calling?
“We can begin the process by asking these three crucial questions—”What gives me meaning?” “What gives me pleasure?” “What are my strengths?” — and noting the trends that emerge. Looking at the answers and identifying areas of overlap can help us determine what kind of work would make us happiest.” (p.103)
Make a list of something that gives you meaning. For example: Political activism, problem solving, working with children.
Make a list of something that is pleasurable to you. For example: Sailing, cooking, being around children.
Make a list of something that shows your strengths. For example: Sense of humor, enthusiasm, relating to children.
Look at your list and see if there is a job that can combine all three categories For Shahar, children was listed in all three categories. Teaching would involve dealing with children, so teaching became Shahar’s calling.
Work and Goals Will Help You Achieve Flow.
“having goals, having a clear sense of purpose, is necessary in order to attain flow.” (p. 86)
What is Flow?
- “Flow, according to Csikszentmihalyi, is a state in which one is immersed in an experience that is rewarding in and of itself, a state in which we feel we are one with the experience, in which “action and awareness are merged.” (p. 86)
- “We all know what it feels like to be so absorbed in reading a book or writing a paper that we fail to hear our name being called. Or while cooking a meal or talking to a friend or playing basketball in the neighborhood park, we discover that hours have gone by when it seemed that only minutes had passed. These are experiences of flow.” (p. 86)
- “When in a state of flow we enjoy both peak experience and peak performance: we experience pleasure and perform at our best. Athletes often refer to this experience as being in the zone. Whatever we do in a state of flow—whether kicking a ball, carving wood, writing a poem, or studying for an exam—we are completely focused on our activity; nothing distracts us or competes for our attention. Performing at our best, we learn, grow, improve, and advance toward our future purpose.” (p. 86)
- You can only experience Flow when the task is neither too easy, nor too difficult.
- “people actually have more flow experiences at work than they do at home.” (p. 92)
How You See Your Work is More Important Than Income or Prestige.
- “When it comes to generating the ultimate currency, how we perceive the work can matter more than the work itself. Hospital cleaners who recognize a simple truth, which is that their work makes a difference, are happier than doctors who don’t experience their work as meaningful.” (p. 106)
- “The researchers saw a similar trend among hairdressers, information technicians, nurses, and restaurant kitchen employees who created meaningful relationships with customers or with others in their organization. They found the same was true among engineers: those who saw themselves as teachers, team creators, and relationship builders felt they were contributing significantly to their companies’ success, and thus related to their work more as a calling than as a job.” (p. 106)
- “To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.” (p. 107)
Other Good Quotes About Goals and Work
“Those for whom making money is the primary objective are less likely to actualize themselves and reach their full potential. They generally experience more distress and are more likely to be depressed and anxious. Moreover, given the mind-body connection, they are less healthy, less vital.” (p. 72)
“Usually, financial goals are not self-concordant—they stem from an extrinsic rather than an intrinsic source. The desire for status and for impressing others is often, though not always, behind the pursuit of wealth.” (p. 72)
“Instead of focusing on what we can ‘live with,’ we should be thinking about what we can’t live without.” Finding a calling is about heeding the call of our inner voice. That call leads us to our calling; that voice guides us to our vocation.” (p. 108)
“Moreover, because we often perform best at the things that we find most engaging, pursuing those activities that provide us meaning and pleasure could actually lead to more quantifiable success in the long run. We naturally work harder at the things that we care about and are interested in—that we are passionate about. Without passion, motivation wanes; with passion, motivation increases, and, over time, so does ability.” (p. 100)
“In school, children should be encouraged to pursue the paths that afford them pleasure and meaning. If a student wants to be a social worker and has taken the time to consider the costs and benefits of such a career, then his teachers should encourage him even though he might earn more as an investment banker. If he wants to become a businessman, then his parents should support him, even though their wish had always been that he pursue politics. For parents and teachers who believe that happiness is the ultimate currency, this is the natural and logical thing to do.” (p. 85)
It takes a conscious and concerted effort to find our calling, because we are usually encouraged to pursue what we do well rather than what we want to do. Most career advisers and job placement tests, for example, focus on our strengths rather than our passions. Questions such as “What am I good at?” are, of course, important in selecting our path, but we must ask them only after we have identified what gives us meaning and pleasure. When our first question is “What can I do?” we give priority to quantifiable currencies (money and the approval of others); when our first question is “What do I want to do?” (that is, “What gives me meaning and pleasure?”), our choice is driven by our pursuit of the ultimate currency.” (p. 102)
“People who set goals are more likely to succeed than people who do not. Having explicit objectives that are challenging and specific—with clear timeline and performance criteria—leads to better performance.” (p. 66)
“When thinking about the most meaningful life for ourselves, we must also consider our potential and how to make full use of our capacities.” (p. 41)
“Becoming the president or a millionaire are external manifestations of potential. What I am referring to are internal measures of potential. The person with the capacity to be the president could be happy as a scholar of ancient Sanskrit; the person with the capacity to be a millionaire could lead a fulfilling life as a journalist. They can find satisfaction if they feel, from within, that they are doing things that challenge them, things that use them fully and well.” (p. 41)
“Do I pursue medicine primarily because I see it as meaningful (intrinsic factor), or is the social status associated with the profession my chief drive (extrinsic factor)? Do I choose trading first and foremost because of the excitement I derive from following the market (intrinsic factor) or because there is much money to be made (extrinsic factor)? The preceding choices are not mutually exclusive. Most of our choices are driven by many factors, some intrinsic, others extrinsic.” (p. 75)
“A person who goes into law to please his family surely also feels a sense of accomplishment when he helps bring about justice. Similarly, someone who becomes a lawyer because she is passionate about the law cannot remain indifferent to the status gained by success. The question is whether the intrinsic or extrinsic is more fundamental to the choice. If the primary driving force is intrinsic—in other words, the pursuit is self-concordant—then the person will experience it as something that he wants to do; if the primary driving force is extrinsic, the experience will be more of a have-to.” (p. 75)