From Chris Voss’ “Never Split the Difference”
How Ryan negotiated his way to get on a flight that seemed booked. (p. 69)
To start, watch how Ryan turns that heated exchange to his advantage. Following on the heels of an argument is a great position for a negotiator, because your counterpart is desperate for an empathetic connection. Smile, and you’re already an improvement.
Ryan- “Hi, Wendy, I’m Ryan. It seems like they were pretty upset.”
Wendy– “Yeah. They missed their connection. We’ve had a fair amount of delays because of the weather.”
Ryan– “The weather?”
Wendy explained how the delays in the Northeast had rippled through the system. Ryan again labels the negative and then mirrors her answer to encourage her to delve further.
Ryan– “It seems like it’s been a hectic day.”
Wendy– “There’ve been a lot of ‘irate consumers,’ you know? I mean, I get it, even though I don’t like to be yelled at. A lot of people are trying to get to Austin for the big game.”
Ryan- “The big game?”
Wendy– “UT is playing Ole Miss football and every flight into Austin has been booked solid.”
Ryan– “Booked solid?”
Now that the empathy has been built, she lets slip a piece of information he can use. “Yeah, all through the weekend. Though who knows how many people will make the flights. The weather’s probably going to reroute a lot of people through a lot of different places.”
Here’s where Ryan finally swoops in with an ask. But notice how he acts: not assertive or coldly logical, but with empathy and labeling that acknowledges her situation and tacitly puts them in the same boat.
Ryan– “Well, it seems like you’ve been handling the rough day pretty well,” he says. “I was also affected by the weather delays and missed my connecting flight. It seems like this flight is likely booked solid, but with what you said, maybe someone affected by the weather might miss this connection. Is there any possibility a seat will be open?” Listen to that riff: Label, tactical empathy, label. And only then a request.
After thirty seconds, Wendy prints a boarding pass and hands it to Ryan, explaining that there were a few seats that were supposed to be filled by people who would now arrive much later than the flight’s departure. To make Ryan’s success even better, she puts him in Economy Plus seating. (p. 71)