Principle 7- Create Shared Meaning
“Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting chores, and making love. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together- a culture rich with symbols and rituals, and an appreciation for your roles and goals that link you and that lead you to understand who you are as a family.” (p. 261)
“It is certainly possible to have a stable marriage without sharing a deep sense of what is meaningful about your lives together. Your marriage can “work” even if your dreams aren’t in sync. The last chapter showed you just how to navigate your way around perpetual problems so that you can live with them rather than ending up gridlocked. It is important to accept that you each will probably have some dreams that the other doesn’t share but can respect.” (p. 261)
“You certainly can’t force yourselves to have the same deeply held views. But some coming together on these issues is likely to occur naturally if you are open to each other’s perspective. A crucial goal of any marriage, therefore , is to create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her convictions. The more you speak candidly and respectfully with each other, the more likely there is to be a blending of your sense of meaning.” (p. 262)
‘Johnny is passionate about being a scientist. His work as a geologist forms a significant part of his identity…If you ask him what he is, he will say he is a geologist first. His wife Molly, is also a geologist, but she doesn’t identify quite so profoundly with her profession. She sees herself as a women first, rather than as a scientist. Yet they connect in so many areas that this difference is not a sticking point.” (p. 267)