From Sonja Lubomirsky’s book “Myths of Happiness”
Many people pick jobs or goals that don’t make them happy. How do you pick the right job or goals?
Goals and Jobs should be Intrinsic, Not Extrinsic.
- “It makes us unhappy—and less likely to succeed—when we are pursuing goals that are not truly our own and when we are doing so simply to obtain approval (say, from our parents or colleagues) or to avoid guilt.” (p. 139)
- “Such “extrinsic” goals include striving to become rich, beautiful, popular, powerful, or famous. When you pursue a career or undertaking for its own sake, you are more likely to experience intense concentration, engagement, flow, curiosity, and persistence.” (p. 139)
- “whether we want to be a small-business owner, filmmaker, policy analyst, insurance broker, or food blogger, we are much more likely to succeed and to be happy trying if we are working toward these goals because they are inherently interesting and enjoyable to us, or if working toward them conveys our most important values—in other words, if our motivation is intrinsic.” (p. 138)
- “they must be harmonious (rather than conflicting with one another; they must satisfy innate human needs (such as the need to be an expert at something, to connect with others, and to contribute to our communities, rather than simply desiring to be rich, powerful, beautiful, or famous) (p. 240)
- “they must be aligned with our own authentic values; they must be reachable and flexible; and, ideally, they should focus on attaining something rather than evading or running away from something. The pursuit of all of these types of goals has been found to be associated with greater happiness, fulfillment, and perseverance.” (p. 240)
Striving For the Goal is More Important Than Achieving the Goal.
- “empirical evidence reveals that the critical factor in whether goal pursuit makes us happy lies in enjoying the journey and not in realizing the end-goal (dream). This finding, of course, contradicts many people’s strong beliefs and intuitions that goal achievement is the gold standard.” (p. 136)
- “When it comes to our vocations and avocations, numerous investigations have shown that those of us who are merely striving (and not necessarily achieving) are happier, especially when our goals with respect to work and hobbies are realistic, flexible, valued by our cultures, authentic, not materialistic, and not impinging negatively on other aspects of our lives.” (p. 136)
- “A great deal of research—some old and classic, some new and leading-edge—suggests the optimal ways for us to inspirit ourselves, find meaningful goals, and strive toward them. Applying these findings to our own lives will increase the likelihood that we will be happier and more successful. Yet we must always bear in mind that the realization of our dream is not the magic formula for happiness; the striving’s the thing,” (p. 135)
- “Paul Krugman learned that he had won the long-coveted Nobel Prize, “His wife Robin’s reaction, once the initial thrill wore off, was ‘Paul, you don’t have time for this.’” (p. 137)
- “one of my colleagues won his field’s highest honor, the American Psychological Association Distinguished Scientist Award. When asked how long the happiness boost lasted, he replied, “One day.” (p. 137)
Goal Pursuit Gives Meaning to Our Lives.
- “goal pursuit in and of itself imparts structure and meaning to our daily lives, creating obligations, deadlines, and timetables, as well as opportunities for mastering new skills and for interacting with others. Hence, in the course of our pursuits, we may attain a sense of purpose in our lives, feelings of efficacy over our progress, and mastery over our time. All of these things make people happy.” (p. 137)
You Should Ask Yourself These Questions Before Picking a Goal.
“The most important pivot point is the one from which you initially make your choice of what it is you really want. Ask yourself the following questions about your so-far unrealized ambition or dream.:
- Is your goal—say, to start your own business—attainable?
- Who is the owner of the goal—you or someone else?
- Does it conflict with a long-held plan (e.g., to spend a lot of time with family or travel around the world)?
- Do you truly feel “yourself” when you are pursuing your ambition or fantasizing about it?
- Do you expect to grow in the process or to develop lasting relationships?
- Would you still do it if the compensation were much more modest?
“if your answer is a broad no to at least two of these questions, it will be extremely challenging, if not impossible, to will an intrinsic motivation that isn’t there. In that case, you will want to shift your priorities and goals—for example, from running a bank to running a nonprofit, from wealth to philanthropy, from teaching to writing, or from writing to teaching. Alternatively, it is sometimes possible to reframe your work. Perhaps there is a noble purpose behind it that you have not considered. Perhaps you have a talent—writing, public speaking, networking, organization—that has gone unnoticed and that you can bring to bear in your current position” (p. 140)
Other Good Quotes About Goals/Jobs
“studies show that we are many times more likely to succeed when we make a public resolution to accomplish something, whether it’s to apply for that long-delayed certification or to begin a full-time job search.” (p. 140)
“Second, we should make great efforts to win over those who are closest to us about the value of our pursuits and then engage and cultivate their aid and comfort. We will be much more successful at keeping our motivation alive if our partners or best friends not only support our dreams, but if they inspire us by treating us as though we already possess the expertise, authority, accomplishment, or title that we seek.” (p. 140)
“if not impossible, to will an intrinsic motivation that isn’t there. In that case, you will want to shift your priorities and goals—for example, from running a bank to running a nonprofit, from wealth to philanthropy, from teaching to writing, or from writing to teaching. Alternatively, it is sometimes possible to reframe your work. Perhaps there is a noble purpose behind it that you have not considered. Perhaps you have a talent—writing, public speaking, networking, organization—that has gone unnoticed and that you can bring to bear in your current position.” (p. 140)
“Many jobs involve periods of time in which you are waiting for something to happen. A sales associate may be idle waiting for the next sale and a cabbie waiting for the next ride. Other occupations involve manual tasks—typing letters, clicking through online ads, machine work, house painting—that leave the mind to wander. Why not use that time to learn or grow? For example, long-haul truckers, data entry clerks, and halibut fishermen report discovering new ideas and enjoying their days more when they spend their work time listening to podcasted courses from universities all over the world on such diverse topics as existential philosophy, world classics, and theoretical physics.” (p. 140)
“Finally, we would do well to follow psychologist Abraham Maslow’s recommendation to choose growth over security—in other words, to take potentially worthwhile risks instead of choosing to do what is known, comfortable, and familiar. Consider your pursuit of that elusive dream—the one you are distressed over not having accomplished yet—and ask yourself whether taking a risk might bring a potentially large payoff.” (p. 141)
“The heart of this chapter is about the happiness myth that stokes this crisis point—namely, that whatever happiness may have eluded you thus far will materialize after you acquire the “right” or perfect job. Grappling with this myth requires an understanding of the true sources and ubiquity of malaise about your job or your level of success. Only then will you be prepared to make the healthiest choices and to take next steps. A number of these steps are detailed here.” (p. 115)