Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing the Other Person.
Before you criticize someone, to soften the blow, talk about your own mistakes first.
Carnegie started to criticize his 19 year old secretary, but realized he was much worse at her age.
“One day when I started to criticize her, I said to myself: “Just a minute, Dale Carnegie; just a minute. You are twice as old as Josephine. You have had ten thousand times as much business experience. How can you possibly expect her to have your viewpoint, your judgment, your initiative—mediocre though they may be? And just a minute, Dale, what were you doing at nineteen? Remember the asinine mistakes and blunders you made? Remember the time you did this … and that…”(p.249)
“I have been guilty of so many stupid, silly things myself, I have very little inclination to criticize you or anyone. But don’t you think it would have been wiser if you had done so and so?” (p. 250)
A king made many egotistical statements which upset many countries. The king wanted the prince to take the blame. He wanted the prince to tell everyone it was him who gave the king bad advice. The prince said no one would believe he would say such a thing. The king was insulted that the prince thought he was stupid. The prince realized he should have praised him first before giving him criticism. The prince then praised the king that his knowledge is superior to his own knowledge in many ways. The king became very happy.
A father didn’t want his son to smoke. Instead of scolding him, he told the son how he started to smoke at his age and became addicted. He told him how irritating the cough was and how it was so hard for him to stop smoking. The son decided not to smoke.