From Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.
The Only Way to Get the Best of an Argument is to Avoid it.
Carnegie attended a party. During dinner, a man told him a funny story with a quote. The man said the quote came from the Bible. Carnegie told the man he was sure the quote came from Shakespeare. The man insisted it came from the Bible. The man asked Carnegie’s friend, who was an expert in Shakespeare where the quote was from. Carnegie’s friend said it’s from the Bible. Carnegie couldn’t believe his friend lied!
“Frank, you knew that quotation was from Shakespeare.” “Yes, of course,” he replied, “Hamlet, Act Five, Scene Two. But we were guests at a festive occasion, my dear Dale. Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.” The man who said that taught me a lesson I’ll never forget. I not only had made the storyteller uncomfortable, but had put my friend in an embarrassing situation. How much better it would have been had I not become argumentative.” (P. 144)
“I have listened to, engaged in, and watched the effect of thousands of arguments. As a result of all this, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes. Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.” (P. 144)
“As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will. So figure it out for yourself. Which would you rather have, an academic, theatrical victory or a person’s good will? You can seldom have both.” (p. 146)