From Tal Ben Shahar’s “Happier”
You Must Help Other People for a Happier Life.
“Helping oneself and helping others are inextricably intertwined: the more we help others, the happier we become, and the happier we become, the more inclined we are to help others.” (p. 126)
“Contributing to other people’s happiness provides us with meaning and pleasure, which is why helping others is one of the essential components of a happy life.” (p. 127)
“Of course it is important to keep in mind the distinction between helping others and living for others’ happiness. If we do not make the pursuit of our own happiness a priority, we are hurting ourselves and, by extension, our inclination to help others. An unhappy person is less likely to be benevolent—and that leads to further unhappiness.” (p. 127)
“We often enhance our happiness to the greatest extent when we pursue activities that provide us with meaning and pleasure and that help others. When making choices, we first need to ask ourselves what would make us happy independent of how much it might contribute to the happiness of others. We must then ask ourselves whether what we want to do would deprive others of their ability to pursue their own happiness—because if it would, we would be undermining our happiness. Our empathic inclinations, our innate sense of justice, inevitably lead us to pay the price in the ultimate currency when we hurt people.” (p.127)
“For the young investment banker, two hours a week helping her community center with its finances and spending one evening a week with friends can help her endure, and even enjoy, the two years of hard and largely unfulfilling work.” (p. 131)
“I recently met a partner in a top consulting firm. Now in his fifties, he no longer enjoys consulting, but at the same time he does not want to leave his profession and give up the lifestyle to which he and his family have grown accustomed.
However, he was able to reduce his workload sufficiently to introduce some happiness boosters. Currently, he spends at least two evenings each week with his family, plays tennis twice a week (or works out in the gym if he’s traveling), and spends more than three hours each week reading for pleasure. He also joined the board of his high school, where he feels that he can contribute in a meaningful way to the education of the next generation.
Just as he does not miss a meeting with a client, he does not miss a meeting with his family, the school board, or himself. While in an ideal world he would be spending his working hours doing something he is passionate about, he still is happier than he has been for a long time.” (p. 131)